America has declared war on terrorism and the heads of the developed countries have rushed to offer support and assistance. The boys are at it again. Playing war games.

It is not that we don't need to hold terrorism in check. Of course we do. But where is the wisdom? Have we sat back and looked at why countries support terrorists? Have we looked at the pain that US foreign policy has caused people across the globe? Have we asked the impact of the US attitude to their position as a Superpower? In many countries America is hated, have we asked why?

I write these words as a woman, and my approach is typical of my gender. Wise women ask why, they look for dialogue and reflection and use it as the basis for decision making and action. Understanding the causes leads to better and longer lasting solutions. Such an approach (referred to in the literature as transformational) doesn't help us to feel puffed up and inflated or have us look like heroes, it does however help in solving problems peacefully and effectively.

But the world is led by males, and men have a history of violence. Even against the people they love. Women often keep quiet because they are the victims of male violence, even in times of peace.

A report by The Body Shop 1998 revealed that one in four American women aged 18 to 65 experiences domestic violence, i.e. is a victim of war in her own home. In the USA a husband, boyfriend or live-in partner batters a woman every nine seconds. Of course women can and do leave. To do so however, increases their risk of severe injury or death by over 70%. The American Medical Association reports that every five years family violence kills as many women as the total number of Americans who died in the Vietnam War.

During times of war this violence against women increases. Up to 80% of the refugees fleeing from conflict are women and children (Angela King, United Nations Assistant Secretary General (2000)). What is fascinating is that it is male deaths that we mourn, the men who fall in action, not the women who fall to rape, sexual slavery, and battery at the hands of men, their own and others.

Where in all this conflict and big talk of male assault is the wise woman's voice? The voice of compassion and understanding and reason. Where is the voice that calls us to stand strongly against terrorism but to do so with understanding and sanctity of human life? Where is the voice that says - "But what about our children?"

We can see the USA as the victim of terrorism or we can see terrorism as an inappropriate response to US foreign policy and economic imperialism. We can use terrorism as an invitation to more violence, inciting, as it will, retaliation and pain or we can call for dialogue of the wise to find peaceful solutions. Wisdom is not limited to men. In fact, wise men know that they are only half of the equation and fight to include wise women in their dialogue.

Increasingly research shows us that women's natural leadership style is more effective and bodes better for enduring relationships than the style of men. Yet men and women alike discount the women's way and promote the male. So we are left with the most aggressive members of our species making the decisions and the most capable leaders, bearing the brunt.