OK-here is what I don't get. Why is it okay for a man to have more than one sexual relationship but when a woman does she is negatively viewed as scandalous, a whore, or a slut, (personally tramp is my favorite). Don't get me wrong I know men get classified to but it definitely has a different air about it: player, pimp, the man (what is that all about?), anyway you get the point. I don't understand why men are so pissy about woman being honest about their sex lives. It just seems to me that men have this possessive complex that they are the only ones that should have ever slept with there "mate" no matter how many people they have slept with. Obviously I have recently been through this type of situation, I'm sure you have an oppinion on the subject.

Skip to next archive (April 2001) or continue with my reply:
To be honest, I can't answer your question easily but it is a fascinating question. At the same time, given that you appear to speak from a personal motivation, it isn't necessarily fascinating but maybe traumatic. The fact is that not all men and women are subject to these rules all the time. Some women cheat and some men do not. It depends on the individual, their socialisation and their expectations, their fears, their ambitions etc.

When an individual is insecure they may demand to control the other person. Yet at the same time they may choose to establish their autonomy by rooting around. The same insecurity may manifest as an attempt to cement social and sexual ties by maintaining fidelity to your partner.

Its a complex issue and I could not begin to touch on this here. But there have been a number of people who have raised this issue in various ways and I would love to somehow cover it as a subject of a page of analysis.