
This is an archive page for November 99.
Where reader comments are of interest or where they raise significant points I will publish my response in dialogue pages such as this one. Reader comment excerpts are in black and my replies in red. | |
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From: Elizabeth Morris ehmorris@earthlink.net Date: Thu, Nov 25, 1999 First of all, got to say I loved the drawing of the Mars symbol you put on your site with the limp arrow. That, I guess symbolizes what happens to many men's penises when they are around a woman who speaks her mind, and makes her own way in society. I'm not going to debate with you; you have your mind made up about women. When they step out of line, you hate them, maybe you hit them. I don't know. And I have my mind made up about men. If one gropes me without permission at work and there is a walk-in freezer nearby, or an implement, he gets one warning and one warning only and then in the freezer he goes. Simple way to deal with a simple problem of sexual harassment. If one harasses me with whistles, or slurs or whatever on the street, he gets one warning and one warning only, and then I hit him with my little cannister of pepper spray. Simple way of dealing with the simple inconvenience of street harassment. Fortunately, so far i have only had to use it on one poor sap who tried to pinch my butt. A man breaks into my apartment for a little slap and tickle(no doubt your terminology for rape) then down the staircase he goes. Oops he broke his foot, oh well. He can chalk it up to occupational hazard. Oh, and I found out that a man who does the same job as i do with the same life experience, well he makes $10,000 a year more. Why does society think a man's penis is worth that much? Hell, it aint worth that much for what it's supposed to do. And I just found out that even though my health insurance won't pay for the Pill, it will shell out bucks for men to go out and get their dose of Viagra. or Minoxinal or whatever they need to feel manly. But, I'm sure that is more a sign of how our matriarchal society oppresses men, by forcing them to become sexual satyrs, by making the cure to impotence readily and inexpensively available for them. The poor dears. How men are oppressed in our society, hell our whole world, it's enough to make you shed a bucketful of tears, tears of a reptilian nature.
Skip to next entry or continue with my reply. From: Sandy sciccolini@digitalmedical.com Date: Wed, Nov 24, 1999 Men have a tough time seeing through their fantasies to the people in front of them, but I take a different approach to that "problem". I think it's because we are indeed fabulous. We are your gods. Men need women far more than women need men. Men created sexism expressly to address that "imbalance". Since men need women so much, men had to find a way to get and keep our attention. Hence the bans on this and that for women. No school. No jobs. Later, it became 'Ok, maybe school, but sewing and cooking only'. Still later it was 'OK, maybe jobs, but secretary and teacher only' and so on. The Taliban has it right - confine the bitches completely! Imprison them! Beat them! Make them invisible so they can't bewitch us and we can pretend they don't have the power to. Now that most women have gained economic freedom from men, sexism is an empty shell of its former self and evidence of it today is little more than a great affirmation of men's need and desire for us. Spit at me on the street? (yeah, they do that), it's because you want me and know you'll never be good enough to get me, So go ahead and rant. It's all you have left, now that you don't have sexism working in your favor anymore. Now YOU gotta do the sucking up. And it's clear YOU'RE unique in that you're gonna have to do a lot of it.
Skip to next entry or continue with my reply. From: ScarletFeu@aol.com Date: Thu, Nov 11, 1999 Hello. I am only twelve, but have been taught all my life about pro-feminism. I completely disagree with your page. Feminism is not about females having power, however badly you want for it to be. Feminism, for women, is about gaining confidence in yourself because for centuries women were not only considered property but also considered useless, except for the fact that we could carry children. We have been considered objects for centuries upon centuries upon centuries, and feminism is about proving anti-feminists like yourself wrong. We aren't objects, we aren't property, and we certainly haven't been treated right for a long time. Chivalry isn't something I see much of. I know of only one male my age who holds doors and pulls out chairs for us. Many of the rest say degrading things like, "Oh, she's so hot" or "Look at her ass" or "Her boobs are so big" or even "She wears this kind of bra". They say that around ME and my GIRLFRIENDS. Do you think that's so polite? You, being a man, don't have a clue how disgusting it feels to have people whistling at you, or telling you how sexy you are, or how hot. You don't know how it feels to have people looking down your shirt, you don't know how it feels to have to buy a swimsuit with a shorter neckline because that kid in your class is going to look down it, I guarantee. You don't know how it feels to have a complete stranger come up to you and ask you to have sex, and you don't know how it feels to have someone come up to you and ask how much you are per hour. Most of all, you don't know how degrading it is to hear your classmates say that all you're good for is cooking dinner, doing laundry, and cleaning. You just don't. "Women and children first" doesn't matter, mister. You only save the women so some other man can get her pregnant and she can have a child. I hope my point is more original, and I hope you remember that all that I have named has happened to me, and I'm only twelve. I have a long, hard trip to go through, and for most all of it, there will always be more guys telling me how they want me. It's not flattering, sir, it's demeaning.
Skip to next entry or continue with my reply.
I am trying to recall my own experiences from this period and it is a little dim. I remember that I did wonder about girls when I was 12 but it was only around 14 or so that I really began to see that some females were coming under significant sexual pressures. One girl in school had what most males would have thought were huge breasts. She was often commented on and I do not know if some of the males did this in her company. That did seem 'oppressive' in a way but she did arguably gain some advantages from it too. A good half of the girls were probably never noticed at all. Some girls kept to themselves and others spent time with other girls. There were also girls who hung out with males and some even went out with older males. If you spend a lot of time with males and you are sexually interested, then the commentary is going to increase.
Your experience may seem oppressive to you but I do not think that it is entirely unique to females, nor do I think that all females experience it. I suspect that something about you may be of special interest. I agree that some things you experience are uncomfortable but at the same time I do not think it is healthy to develop too much of a feminist outlook on it.
Males find females attractive, both because of the fascination with their sexuality and sometimes even because of their personality. Females are often interested in males for the same reason although they seem to hide it more both from males and from themselves.
One attitude that I find disturbing is your belief that no man can ever understand what a female experiences and suffers from. This will not serve you well in future years if you can never imagine that anybody male can ever have a similar experience to yourself or empathise with you. There are many experiences of being male which women are unlikely to have access to and which could be described as oppressive but I am not going to shove that fact down your throat. Males and females are not so far removed in their experiences that they can never understand what it feels like to be the other. As it happens, I have had women harass me sexually and I have had women pinch my arse and I have been whistled at. And yes I sometimes felt uncomfortable about it.
As I say, I don't know how mature the males of your cultural area are so it is hard to know how annoying your experiences are. However keep in mind that a woman's sexuality is both a burden and a source of power. Some women use their sexual attraction to wow men and others cover themselves with modesty and restraint. These are choices available to you and you should decide carefully how you want to present yourself to the world as a moral, intelligent human being and as a woman.
From: Daniel danielbrow@mail.com Date: Mon, Nov 8, 1999 Your web site is very refreshing. Western society is quite wacked out with its prevailing understandings of gender. The twistedness and baseless hatred is alarming. As a young man in the 1960's, I wondered how racism flourished in the American South and wondered how African Americans experienced it. I feel I have gained a decent realization of both my curiosities by being a man in the feminist 1990's. Just an afternoon of television viewing constitutes a minor beating. Seems to me that close to half the commericals get their life from put-downs of men. Dumb male traffic cop can't follow the brilliant and beautiful female driver's discourse on radar guns. Smart little girl takes McDonald's french fries from dumb younger brother by outsmarting him. Boring corporate man takes long route through desert roads while smart and pretty woman takes short cut over the hills in her truck. Or how about a billboard ad for ABC television that I saw in Manhattan. Went like this: "Marry rich, kill husband, repeat". Can you imagine, can you just imagine the outcry if an add with an analagous message reversed the genders of the murderer and the victim? There is so much to say about all this and serious political issues as well: unfair child custody laws, overreaching sexual harrassment laws, unfairness in corporate dress standards, lies about unequal pay, unfairness in dating rituals, doublestandards in marital roles (woman can choose to work or stay at home, man has no choices), unfairness in draft laws, overreaching spousal abuse policy of police departments, or just the plain old rudeness and arrogance of so many young women today. And just in case anyone forgot, arrogance is a bad thing.
Read my reply or Skip to next archive (October)
It is ironic that a feminist worldview describes men as dominating society while (feminist) women and their sympathisers actually control several of the most important channels of communication and social control. Having said this there are several interesting aspects to the cultural dominance of female sexism. You call the portrayal of women and their increasing adoption of this portrayal as arrogance. However it might be more accurate to call it chauvenism. In this way there are some additional opportunities for insights on the attitude. Traditionally women took issue with men who were chauvenist. This type of man may have been sexist but underneath his bravado was someone deeply insecure and probably afraid of women's power. Consider this then in reverse. When many young chauvenist women claim that they can do anything men can do, work much harder and receive less recognition, they are also way out of line with reality and may at some level also be suffering from a deep sense of insecurity. When women are encouraged to see men as dumb pieces of meat they may come into conflict with reality, if and when the male turns out to be intelligent or competent. What I am suggesting therefore is that aspects of the unfair portrayal of men will rebound on those who succumb to it and a considered attitude to the phenomenon can provide a solid defence to it.
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